Can you live with a .6 BAC?

Apparently, I spent 5.5 hours last night with someone who did. For months I have been trying to get the person help . . . but nothing has worked.

I’ve known this person since mid-June or mid-July last summer. Honestly, this person has been my biggest challenge of anyone I have met. Of course, the person is homeless and depressed and has mental health issues and pain issues and is an alcoholic. This person is the worst alcoholic or worst otherwise messed up human being I have ever met personally. I’m not one to call in authorities or help that people don’t want, but with this person I did because I was concerned that this person could not take care of themselves and was going to die. I contacted authorities several times, with no success for the last 8 months. Sadly, I don’t think this time is going to help either, but its not for lack of effort. Of course, with alcoholism, there is nothing I can do if the person doesn’t want help. This person is an adult and has free will. But this person is going to die. I don’t know why they haven’t already.

ATTEMPT ONE
Last summer this person spent days at a time passed out in a tent. The person takes some combination of alcohol and abuse of the person’s prescription drugs and maybe recreation drugs now too. The ambulance was called out of concern last summer, but the person was “too alert” when they arrived and they left. So, I reached out to a Porchlight Homeless Outreach Worker. That ended in disaster. The person showed up, refused to work with this person and their partner and instead, called Child Protective Services and got a 2 week old baby taken away from its parents for two weeks. Luckily, the court gave the baby back and after nearly 6 months on a consent decree the family will be back out of the system in a month or two – long story for another day. But no help for the person I initially called about.

ATTEMPT TWO
In November, when Occupy Madison moved to E. Washington after the campgrounds closed, the mayor promised to find the first 16 people who moved there housing. He said that services would help people and we could find them housing. This person dutifully went through intake with a different Porchlight worker who would work with this person. The person filled out a Porchlight application and since they are on SSI and have income, they were put on the waiting list and told that they might have housing in 4 months. It’s been 4 months . . . of living in a tent . . . in the freezing cold. So, no help.

ATTEMPT THREE
When Occupy Madison was asked to leave 800 E. Washington and moved to Northport, Andy Heidt, the Dane County Ombudsman for Human Services was kind of assigned to work with people at first, before he became the county’s negotiator. I’m not sure this person ever talked to him. I think it might have been one of those times of days at a time passed out in a tent. I do know that this person did fill out a form saying that they wanted help from the county at that point. No one helped – this person remained mostly passed out in their tent.

ATTEMPT FOUR
The first week in December this person attempted to commit suicide. The person was hospitalized for several days and was unresponsive for 3 days. St. Mary’s released this person and they returned to the tent in the cold.

ATTEMPT FIVE
I personally asked for help from Lynn Green, the Director of Human Services as well as the County Executive and his staff. I was at my wits end. I told them what I had observed for the last few months, expressed concern that this person was incapable of taking care of themselves, that I feared for their safety. It was December 10th when I sent this email to them, we exchanged some emails, and I let a county board supervisor know about it too – not that they could do anything about it. They send an adults at risk staff person to look into it. 9 days later after alerting the county, I sent another email expressing concern that the alcoholism, memory issues etc had gotten worse. Nothing happened. Apparently, this person was just fine when they observed this person. No help.

ATTEMPT SIX
It just got worse. There were periods of times where this person was wearing diapers because they couldn’t control themselves. They shit all over everything. More days passed out – only to wake up for a beer and fall back asleep. It was truly disgusting. I lost track of the ambulance calls and trips to the hospital so my memory is a little fuzzy, but one of the trips to the hospital in January or February me and a friend decided that we were getting tired of the patterns we were seeing and attempted to talk to the staff at the hospital about our concerns. We told them as much information as we could. They couldn’t do anything and wouldn’t even really talk to us. While at the hospital, all this person kept saying is that they couldn’t wait to get out of the hospital so they could have a beer. St. Mary’s again released this person and they got no help.

ATTEMPT SEVEN
At some point, I talked to the sheriff about this person, alerted them to this person’s presence. I think it was verbally on the phone when talking with the sheriff. By the way, the sheriff has been awesome with any issues we struggled with, he was usually our biggest ally. Getting sand when it was icy, explaining why it takes so long for an ambulance to get to the camp, visiting people at camp to make sure they are safe, personally calling to check on the status when there was a blizzard, etc. He’s been awesome.

ATTEMPT EIGHT
On March 18th, when this person was in the emergency room again, I notified the Madison Police Department about this person’s presence at camp – explained much of the above. They said a liaison officer would work with this person. I don’t think anything ever happened.

THE LATEST?
Last night, I went to where this person was, mostly because I support this person’s partner who has a host of isues of their own, we called a friend who knows more about this than I do, he wisely decided to call the ambulance because this person was passed out by the time he got there and was breathing funny. The partner has called Meriter and they said this person could get into New Start and this person expressed that they were tired and ready to do it. Not sure if that is still true today – but it was a step closer to help. I hope. But I’m not delusional – I’m guessing that this is not the time it sticks.

NOW WHAT
I don’t know. I’m not trained in any of this. But the EMTs, firefighters, hospital security, nurses, doctors, emergency room personnel, staff at St. Mary’s and Meriter, the Director of Human Services, the Dane County Ombudsman, the County Executive and staff, two Porchlight outreach workers, the sheriff department and the Madison Police Department all know about it. This person also went to detox and jail during one of these episodes, so they know too. I’m sure this is not the only person in this type of situation they know about, but it seems as tho something could and should be done – by someone who can. Instead, I’m guessing this person returns to camp, with just this person’s (untrained, with issues of their own) partner to try to deal with this.

I’m tired. I’ve tried. And I don’t deal with this every day, only in emergencies, but as I said, this person has been my biggest challenge and I have no answers. And no hope for help for this person. I’m afraid to hope that they stick with the plan and enter New Start as soon as they are detoxed at the hospital . . . because they have said they would do it before.

Perhaps, my friend who is a recovering alcoholic and who called the ambulance said it best in something he sent me last night after this was all over . . . “cunning, baffling, and powerful” indeed.

A Letter From Our Disease

Hello… just in case you forgot me… I am your disease…

I hate meetings… I hate Higher Powers… I hate your program. To all who come in contact with me, I wish you suffering and I wish you death. Allow me to introduce myself, I am the disease of addiction. I Am cunning, baffling, and powerful. That’s Me. I have killed millions and I am pleased.

I love to catch you with the element of surprise. I love pretending I am your friend and lover. I have given you comfort, haven’t I? Wasn’t I there when you were lonely? When you wanted to die, didn’t you call on me? I was there, I love to make you hurt. I love to make you cry. Better yet, I love to make you so numb you can neither hurt nor cry. When you can’t feel anything at all, that’s my true gratification. And all that I ask from you is long term suffering. I’ve been there for you always. When things were going right in your life, you invited me. You said you didn’t deserve these good things, and I was the only one who would agree with you. Together we were able to destroy all the good things in your life. People don’t take me seriously. They take strokes seriously, heart attacks, even diabetes, they take seriously. Fools. Without my help these things would not be possible. I am such a hated disease, and yet I do not come uninvited. You choose to have me. So many have chosen me over reality and peace.

More than you hate me, I hate all of you who have a 12 step program. Your program, your meeting, your Higher Power. All of these things weaken me, and I can’t function in the manner I am accustomed to. Now I must lay here quietly. You don’t see me but I am growing bigger than ever. When you only exist, I can live. When you live, I may only exist. But I am here… Waiting…

And until we meet again, if we meet again, I wish you suffering and death.

Sincerely,
Your Disease.

I know I have done what I could. It’s up to this person to make the difference. I hope they find their way.

(On a slightly amazing note, as I am finishing up writing this, Rob just came in from smoking and he ran into another chronic alcoholic homeless person who has been to detox more times than I can count who was on our porch getting dress clothes out of her locker because she was going to a job interview because she has been sober for 10 days . . . Rob said it was the first time she talked to him like he was a human being, that she looked great and was doing well. That’s why I don’t give up. Sometimes it just takes a long time for people to get there . . . sometimes they don’t make it, but I can’t give up because there are those that do. And when they do, its amazing.)